i went out to cause trouble. to knock into somebody, i guess. everyone was stepping really carefully, though. and that makes sense. they have these goals, you know? big ones, with serious results. tangible, too, because it's dollars in their pockets, and solid letters printed on score cards. i don't blame them. but it's lonely here.

i knew this kid before. i thought he was listening to me. and what i figured out, was that he didn't even know how to. he didn't even know where to start. we stopped talking, and he's doing those things that i was telling him about. those things that hurt me so bad.

everything is fleeting now. you memorize the titles of albums, but whatever. there's nothing to that anymore. i'm waiting for a letter. i get all dressed up, and go back to bed. i'm exhausted.

i've been drinking tea all day. lots of it. need to get better, need to get my voice back. i'm nervous as hell, too, even though i keep telling myself not to be. it will be fine, it will be fine, it will be fine.